Monday, September 21, 2009

Who needs vengeance when you can have vindication?

FINALLY, I have been vindicated. At the behest of Mini 3, Ex Knight and I are now pretending (insert trying, attempting, agreeing, if you prefer) to be friends. The magic of technology allows me to block my number and call him (safety first) without revealing where my own unique spot on the map is and since Mini 3 asked if she could call her father well, he and I have had a few of "those" conversations. Today's had to be the best.

Ex Knight FINALLY accepted AND admitted that it wasn't our marriage that failed, it was HIM that failed. His admission went on to include confirmation of my deep seated notion that, assuming he could be 5 again when we all still got "do-overs", he'd do some things over. He went on to explain that he has now realized he needed to grow up and, though I'm not convinced at present, he swears he's spent the last couple years doing just that. Too bad it only took losing his marriage and family for him to figure it out.

I still feel sorry for him...I can't help it. It's so very unfortunate that his choices cost him the relationship he had or hoped to have with his kids (even if it turns out that's only temporary). I also feel sorry for my children. It's equally unfortunate that in order for them to enjoy the life they now lead, he had to be taken out of the equation. It must be dreadfully painful to know you may not ever talk to, let alone see, your children ever again. But then again, some lessons are harder to learn than others and sometimes mistakes only need to be made once. I hope, when it comes to Ex Knight, he has truly learned his lesson and that this will be one mistake he never has to make again. Perhaps in time, when enough of it has passed, the Minis will be able to build a safe and secure bridge to their father and give him permission to cross it.

I cannot even BEGIN to explain how great it made me feel to hear Ex Knight admit what I've known for YEARS. I mean just knowing it felt good too. Hearing him actually TELL ME (without provocation I might add) that he was to blame and he'd do it different if he could do it over and KNOWING that it no longer matters to me one way or the other if he would have done things different or not...well yeah that has just left me feeling vindicated...FINALLY.

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