Monday, December 21, 2009

Wise Ben Stein Words

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are, Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Hurricane Katrina).. Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events...terrorist atack, school shotings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said okay.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves..

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing yet?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit.

If not, then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,

Ben Stein

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Verizon I can hear you now

Originally I chose Verizon's blog name because we talk by phone EVERY day several times and day and a lot of the conversation consists of "I can't hear you" or "Can you hear me now." Verizon seemed the perfect option.

Last night she and I had a conversation that I'm still thinking about some 12 hours later. Verizon has this uncanny knack to be able to just KNOW what I need to hear, when I need to hear it and can read my like a book. She says she knows me so well it's almost wrong...she might be right. At any rate, Verizon and I had a completely candid conversation last night and she pointed out a few things that were honestly difficult to swallow but I heard her. Not only did I hear her, I was listening.

It's extremely difficult to let your guard down when, for the last two years or so, you've been required to keep it up as a matter of safety. It's tough to let someone know all there is to know about you and keep it totally real when, to some degree, your daily life is a bit of a farce. A necessary farce, but farce nonetheless.

Verizon pointed out that it is high time I take the rest of my power back. That I worry less on what Ex Knight may or may not do and worry more about living my life to the fullest measure. She cautioned that perhaps being so guarded can likely cost me the thing I want the most. The love of a man who is capable of being the getaway I need. It was a humbling and thought provoking experience to say the least. I am thankful for the relationship Verizon I have so she can put "it" to me whenever it needs to be put and do so in a way that I feel contemplative and inspired.

Keeping my guard up really amounts to fear. What if I let it down, and I get hurt? But, as she pointed out so well, what if I don't and get hurt anyway? Touche my dear Verizon, touche. I went to the scriptures this morning to find a few fear related scriptures and came across something pretty profound, of course I think the answers you find in scriptures are always profound.

Psalms 56:3 says "what time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Later in verse 11 of this same chapter it says "in God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid of what man can do unto me." I have put my trust in God, but have still been afraid of what Ex Knight can do to me if he finds is the day I move past that fear. And then later, in Psalms 112: 7 it says "he shall not be afraid of evil tidings: his heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord."

It has occurred to me I cannot completely trust my God when I continue to live in fear and be afraid of what "evil tidings" Ex Knight may or may not choose to invoke upon me and mine. The only man in my entire life that has NEVER let me down, hurt me, or left me alone has been my Father in Heaven...from this day forward, I will do my best to demonstrate my trust in Him by going forth, not in fear, but in perfect faith knowing that He knows me and is mindful of my needs and trust Him to meet them even if I have to let my guard down for Him to do it.

Verizon, I can hear you and I am grateful you are speaking. Thank you for all that you are and all that you do in my life.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

When I say getaway

In my previous post, you read all about Spidey and I mentioned in a sidebar how maybe I'd write about what I mean when I say "he" (Spidey or anyone else) has to be my getaway. I woke up with the words about this subject on my heart and in my mind and wanted to take a few minutes to elaborate on this.

Monica's song says shes' "looking for a place to getaway, getaway from all the heartache and pain that life can bring." This is the line that made me realize this is what I want and need in a man. Life is often difficult when it's going smoothly, much more so when it's not. Everyone needs a getaway. In this same song, Monica also talks about sometimes she wishes she was invisible.

I feel like that a lot lately. I'd love to be invisible for just enough time to take care of me. I'm really looking forward to getting away in January to meet Spidey but have been thinking a lot about how important it is to have a getaway place on a daily basis.

Verizon has been my getaway for as long as I can remember. The one person who just loves me no matter what I've said, done, not said, or not done. She's the one person I can show everything I am (good and bad) and who never passes judgment or condemns. We don't always see things the same way, we don't have the same opinions on things, we don't enjoy all the same things, and our lives have taken us very different places but, when my world has fallen out from under me or I'm crumbling from the weight of expectation, I know that I can find refuge in the getaway that is Verizon.

@ Verizon: I love you. You aren't a piece of my ARE my world. Thank you for always believing in me, even when I've been unable to believe in myself. Thank you for taking the time and effort to know me the way you do. Of all the gifts my Heavenly Father has blessed me with, you are one of the ones I cherish most.

Verizon is a newlywed and her and Abernathy have been friends almost as long as we have. We have had a few conversations about him recently and it occurred to me that Abernathy is her getaway. Because he is so secure in who he is, it allows her to be secure in who she is with him. And, no matter what happens in Verizon's world, she can turn to Abernathy and just be. He's seen her at her worst and his love inspires her to be her best. When everything is wrong in her world, or when everything is right, Verizon has found that "soft place to land" Dr. Phil talks about in Abernathy. With him, she isn't someone's employee, someone's mom, someone's friend, someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's homie, someone's BFF, someone's anything...she is just HER...good or bad she just is.

The man I want in my life has to be my getaway at the end of every day. The one who's arms I can fall into and just BE with no expectation, no judgment, no pressure, no demands. To some degree, he'll have to be a male version of Verizon and allow me to continue showing myself to him, when I want to be invisible to everyone else. For this man, I will unlock the doors to my heart and freely give all of it and all of me.

Friday, December 18, 2009

What if Spidey makes my senses tingle?

Have you ever asked for something without fully intending to have it handed to you? Have you ever sought something you weren't sure you were ready for once you got it? Or maybe the thing you've always wanted continues to evade you and is constantly just out of reach? Even still, perhaps you've prayed and prayed for something but God has needed you to learn a lesson or two or twenty-five before indulging your desire; maybe His answer to your desire is even no. I'm the only this has happened to ever right?!? No, ok good I might have been worried for a minute.

Recently an Internet "flirt" turned into an email and that email turned into conversations and those conversations have turned into a lot of potential. That potential, if lived up to, has the ability to be life changing. Just knowing that is enough to scare me and yet the more I get to know the man I call Spidey, the more I want to know all there is to know about him.

Early in my life I heard a quote that goes something along the lines of "I refuse to have a battle of wit with an unarmed person," and I have found myself having to reflect on this comment often since. At the risk of sounding arrogant, this fact remains: VERY few people can match my wit...let alone beat it. I've met very few women who can do it, and no man has ever been able to come close...that is until now.

After a few email exchanges and lots of coaching from B Cubed, I finally give Spidey a call (you'll get why I call him Spidey later in this blog). Unfortunately, the intense pain I've been in from my car wreck have made him and I having "real" bilateral conversations a little bit of a challenge, but about a week ago we had the first of what I hope proves to be numerous engaging phone calls. It was during this call that his Masked Marauder identity revealed itself. Let me explain:

Having wanted to be a journalist, I was in mid interview with him. I asked the question "what is your biggest fear," and he gave me a very impressive and deep answer. I felt so shallow because mine isn't anything as is quite simply arachnids. Yes folks, this chick is insanely terrified of spiders, even those lil mini red ones that are so teeny you almost need a microscope to see them move and daddy long legs too and everything in between.

Spidey took my fear and wit and combined the two to create something NO ONE has ever been able to accomplish and in the end, served my behind to me on a diamond encrusted platter. When hearing my ridiculous fear (yes I know it IS ridiculous but it's mine and I own it) he went on to tell the most elaborate story I've probably ever heard as it relates to spiders.

Below is a brief (it lasted probably the better part of 15 - 20 minutes) summary of some of that story:

Spidey: I'm gonna help you conquer your fear when you get out here. I'll get you totally nice and relaxed and then, when you aren't looking, I'll just put one of my tarantulas on you.

Me: (thinking OMW is this guy SERIOUS) Ummmm...good luck with that because when I notice it on me, I'm likely going to scream.

Spidey: No no, you don't want to do that because then he'll get scared and bite you. He's not poisonous but it still hurts.

At some other point in the story Spidey says something about how his female tarantula laid eggs in his neighbors head and no one realized till they hatched and on and on and on. Suffice it to say, If I had hair on my arms it would be standing straight up, my chest was heaving, my palms sweating, my stomach in knots, goosebumps, etc. In short I was having a lil bit of an anxiety attack and then this happened:

Spidey: Actually I've got one sitting right here on my chest I'm petting him and playing with him right now. He's pretty cool you'll like him (I'm thinking uh yeah don't bet your life on that). OW...OW OW he just bit me!

Me: (imagines the color draining out of my face like water out of a bathtub)

Spidey: I'm just kidding but I totally had you going didn't I?

And that ladies and gents...he COMPLETELY did. He had me going...I fell for it all hook line and sinker. A couple of times during his spidey tail I thought he was fibbin' and pulling my leg. I asked a question I thought would trip him up if he was teasing; he never missed a beat.

WELL DONE SPIDEY!!!! Your quick wit and ability to make me laugh are big selling points. Even if it took a creepy story for you to fully demonstrate your capabilities. You are off to a great start.

But wait there's isn't just his wit.

I've told Spidey several times that the potential for me to fall for him is there, but I'm not "there" yet. He's cute, he's witty, he's had enough similar experiences to be able to completely relate to most of mine, he can be pretty charming, he's a lot of things actually. I must admit I am totally captivated by his presence in my life and want to know all there is to know about him. I can't think of too many things he could tell me that would send me heading for the hills either.

I've often told my loved ones I am looking for a man who is willing to charge in on his galloping steed to "rescue" me but who also understands that I don't need him to save me because I can save myself. Yesterday I think it was, maybe the night before, Verizon made a judgment call that allowed me to come to the realization that Spidey could certainly be such a man as this and now that I have, I'm not sure where to go from here.

He makes me laugh, he's witty, he's cute, he's smart, he's engaging...AND he knows the precise moment in which to ride in and save the day...maybe this is too good to be true.

How did he ride in you ask? He called me when I was in the middle of a moment and successfully steered me right out of it, allowing me to feel better and filling me with hope. The words he chose to use and the counsel he provided still ring in my ears right now as I type this blog.

Sidebar: After listening to Monica's "Getaway" repeatedly, I've finally learned EXACTLY what I want and need in a short, "he" has to be the getaway. Maybe I'll write another entry on what I mean by that later. We'll see I guess.

And now, back to the story.

I was a little miffed with Verizon for letting him know I was having a moment. It's not easy being vulnerable and I was very vulnerable during this moment of mine, but he guided me through it so beautifully it could have almost been art. It's been a long time since a man (barring those related to me) has ever been so concerned about me. This concern both amazes and alarms me all at the same time and part of me wants to throw up barriers and run.

To speak (well type actually) totally honest it's like this. Spidey has an enormous amount of potential to be "the man" versus just a man. And, while I'm not sure he'll live up to that potential (because not everyone does), I find myself more afraid of what if he does? I've prayed for such a man as this for a long time, and now that he might be on the horizon, I'm just not sure. I think I'm honestly afraid...ok no I KNOW that I am honestly afraid of what happens to me if he does live up to his potential. My fear and insecurities are screaming at me to run far and fast and yet I just don't seem to be able to walk away.

I've loved and lost a few different times now. I spent 10 years married to a man who didn't deserve to have me for even one, I've given my heart to people who've done nothing but rip it out of me and feed it to me for breakfast and I've learned to guard and protect it something fierce. I'm afraid those walls could inhibit forward progress in my current situation. I mean if I don't give Spidey my heart he will never be able to break it right? Though I used to wear my heart on my sleeve, those days are long past. I refuse to give my heart (let alone soul) to anyone who doesn't see the value of having it. I'm so afraid of being hurt again, I think I'd almost rather keep my heart secure in it's own fortress than share it with anyone and yet Spidey has me interested enough to consider sharing it with him.

I don't want my baggage (let's face it, whether we'll admit it or not, we ALL have baggage), fear and past heartache to rob me of future promise, but sometimes I honestly feel so powerless to stop it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained I know. At the same time though...the best way to keep my heart in tact is to refrain from giving it to anyone ever again. Keeping my heart so guarded though has left me feeling alone more than I'd like and I don't think I want to feel that way any longer.

I suspect that Spidey has his own fears and insecurities. He wouldn't be human if he didn't. Prayerfully, neither one of us will allow those fears and insecurities to get in the way of the potential though. And, while not everyone lives up to their potential, I sit here hoping Spidey will. Only time will tell I guess and I have plenty of that.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Can I getaway?

As you know, I'm totally and completely audio powered. Music speaks to me when often nothing and no one else can. Lately I've been going through some stuff...not bad or good, just stuff. Life often comes at me hard and fast and sometimes it gets REALLY difficult to endure. I am privileged to have a vast support system all over the world; one of the biggest supports is my sistuh from anutha mutha that I call Verizon.

Yesterday Verizon and I were talking via Yahoo Instant Messenger and she shared with me some lyrics to this song that brought tears to her eyes and made her think of me. I read the lyrics and was amazed at how well I could relate to them, but didn't have time to watch the video she sent me a link to until later last night.

The first time I watched the video, tears poured down my face for no reason and every reason all at the same time. I have been listening to this song ever is having an interesting effect on my heart and emotions right now. If ever a song could adequately depict that "private" place I'm in most of the time...this song is it. Now that private place is public I guess.

Monica, the artist, says "so much on my shoulders and so much on my mind seems no one can help me. I think I just need some time. Sometimes I wish I could hideaway, looking for a place to getaway getaway from all the heartache and pain that life can bring. I really don't want to sound like I can't hold my ground but everybody needs some time that they can getaway. Sometimes I wish I was invisible cuz then no one would know where I am to ask me for anything. Cuz I've given so much of me when is it time for me to receive cuz Monica has her needs, who's gonna look out for me?"

This is SOOOOOOOOO powerful for me. I often feel like I have so many people who expect so much from me there is no way I can ever possibly hope to deliver. I am, of course, just one person. The feeling of not being able to deliver often brings about some personal insecurities, fears and worries. Sadly, I don't have the opportunity to just "getaway" very fact, it's something I almost never do. I guess I just feel too needed by too many people all the time and often I fail to take care of myself emotionally or physically in the process. Yes, sometimes I honestly do wish I was invisible.

Monica goes on to say, "you know I'm not Superwoman and I'm not made of steel. I try my best to handle all I have to do and it's not as easy as it seems and to think this was my dream. Now for everything I have I'm grateful, but sometimes I wanna getaway." One of my all time favorite songs is actually called "Superwoman" but it's sung by Karyn White and refers to a relationship between a woman and her man. Must be something about me and "superwoman".

I often feel like I'm expected to be Superwoman all the time. It was expected of me during my childhood, during college, during my marriage, and even more so now I think. I often feel like I'm so busy being all things to all people and at the end of the day there's no one standing here being anything, let alone "everything" to me. It's a difficult place to find yourself in over and over and over again.

Yes, I can hold my ground. I get a lot of feedback on how beautifully I'm doing it, but as I listen to this song over and over it has occurred to me that maybe just maybe I don't always want to have to hold this ground. Instead, maybe I just want someone to hold it all for me. And yes, I know that this is exactly what the Savior does for us but that knowledge often does little to help ease the burden of the "alone" I feel and carry on a regular basis.

Notice I said...alone and not lonely. I am surrounded by people I love (whom also love me) so I seldom feel lonely but there are more days than I'd like to mention where I feel alone. Even after reading my scriptures, even after pleading with my Heavenly Father, even after talking to Verizon or my sister or my Besties.

Like Monica, I need a getaway. A place I can get away from all the demands placed upon me as a single, working, student and parent. A place I can run to escape the heartache and pain that often comes with my present circumstance. A place I can go to escape the demands of school, be unavailable to anything and anyone for work, and get a reprieve from child rearing. A place I can just be the woman I've become and not the kids' mom and the boss and the computer diva and the creative genius (clients have actually called me this) and the and. A place where there are no expectations and I can just BE. A place I can go where someone else will hold the ground and for a change and I can just walk on it.

If you know of such place, please let me know. To hear Monica's beautiful voice sing words that speak from and to my heart, please click the play button on the media player below.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

To Thine Own Self Be True

One of my first "assignments" for school is to write a letter to myself that I can pull out if and when I get discouraged to help me remember why I wanted to pursue my college education in the first place...Super K, I've needed to write myself a letter for a long time anyway so I hope you don't mind if I incorporate your assignment into the one below:

Here goes...

Dear Self,

You've certainly taken the scenic journey to your college education, that's for sure. You started down this course 20 years ago with your college prep work in high school and graduation with honors. Do you remember that? Do you remember how going to college was pretty much a given? Do you remember being accepted to every college you applied to, do you remember the goals and dreams you had for yourself back then?

Life has a funny way of derailing the best laid plans sometimes, but take heart in knowing that God has you exactly where He wants you to be. A lot has happened since you last attended college. You got married, had three more kids, and moved 1400 miles from home to follow your husband's job to Colorado...only to find yourself and your children living in a daily hell. You finally found the strength, courage, and confidence to leave him but ensuring safety required you run away from home and start all over.

Do you remember how many times you prayed for a "do-over" while you were living in hell? Do you remember pleading with your Heavenly Father for an opportunity to do things different? Do you remember begging Him for the chance to go back to school and finish your education? I remember and I'm here to tell you that you have been given a great gift despite the difficulty. Your Heavenly Father has heard your prayers and is answering them, even if you can't always see how.

You have been given the opportunity of a lifetime; a chance to "make it right". Don't blow it this time!!! I know you're going to get discouraged, I know you're going to want to quit sometimes but, may I remind you, you don't quit ANYTHING very well. No reason to start doing so now, is there?

When it's difficult and you feel like giving up, please remember why this college education is so important to you. Please look at the precious faces of your beautiful children. That's likely all it will take to remember. Think about how getting your degree can change their circumstance, how it will absolve you of any financial dependence on Ex Knight, and how NOT having it is the one thing you've always regretted. Think about how miraculous getting into school was in the first place. I KNOW that you DO NOT believe in chance or coincidence so I implore you not to kick a gift horse in the mouth. Show your gratitude to your Heavenly Father for having given you this opportunity by excelling. You've taught your children that anything worth doing is worth doing well; here's another chance to lead by example.

You aren't afraid of things just because they are difficult. I mean just look at what you've been through the last few years. I know that you have struggled, but I also know that struggle hasn't been in vain. You have a great support system. You have countless masses that believe in you and want to see you succeed. Allow our belief in you to buoy you when you lack the ability to believe in yourself.

You love what you do. You love web design and animation. It's always been your favorite part of your job. You are creative beyond words. You are smart, talented, and capable. All that you need to be successful is already inside you because you are a child of God. Never forget that...even when a class is challenging and you want to give up. Need I remind you that you give up about as easily as you quit?

You have always valued the most what you've worked the hardest to get. I mean giving birth sure was work wasn't it? Your college degree will be no will take a lot of work and perhaps even some sacrifice to obtain, but I promise you it will be worth it in the end. I know that you know "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." You and I both know you have been called to HIS purpose, now act accordingly. With hard work, dedication, and the spirit of excellence you have about you, you will soon realize your dream of a college degree and better life for your children.

You CAN do this! I believe in you!

The power of ONE word

Many many years ago in a galaxy far far away there was a high school. In that high school there was a teacher, an English teacher actually. On that teacher's desk was a poster I vaguely remember. Something about how one word could spark a million or something like that. I began thinking about that poster recently after a conversation I had with my Bishop turned into an event that will forever alter my circumstance.

Allow me to explain...

Two weeks ago I was meeting with my Bishop to plead for financial assistance, sadly something I have to do more often than I would like given current my current economic status, and we were talking about what could be done to change my circumstance. The financial dependence I still have on Ex Knight is infuriating most of the time but ESPECIALLY when he fails to pay the amount of support he is supposed to pay and my children suffer as a result.

"Go get a job!" you say right?!?!? Easier said that done when you have no verifiable work experience and no education and are trying to find employment in an economy such as ours....anyway back to the story.

So the Bishop and I are sitting in his office and he counsels me to pursue education. I explain that I've tried but I can't find an accredited program in the field I want with an online option at a price I can reasonably afford to pay back anywhere. The Bishop then says he KNOWS they are out there and I need to keep looking for "regionally accredited online degree programs". That one word - regionally - has made all the difference.

Once I began searching for REGIONALLY accredited on-line degree programs I found the perfect fit. I was so impressed by what I saw (and remember I don't impress easily when it comes to colleges) on their website I clicked on the chat to speak to a live person. Soon I was asking that live person more questions than they could answer and I was transferred to the man who would later become my admissions counselor. Super K is what we'll call him, because I think he is just that...super!!

Super K and I spoke on the 8th of this month and he encouraged me to prepare for a January entrance. I was hoping I might be able to attend in April but that January entrance was sitting in the back of my mind eating away at me. The sooner I go to school, the sooner I can get a credential, the sooner I get that credential, the more employable I am, the more employable I am, the sooner I can eliminate any degree of financial dependence on Ex Knight.

Super K sends me an invitation to the school's placement test...they call it an assessment but REALLY we all know it's a test and the application and I drag my heels a lil about getting it done. Finally I go ahead and take the TEST (Super K you guys really need to call it what it is...a TEST) and Super K calls me with my results. Being somewhat of a brainiac, I'm sure I've done ok, but it IS a test and I've been out school a long time so my skills are a lil rusty. Super K informs me I have knocked it out of the park, scoring in the top 10% of test takers and when I come to school in January (he was bent on the January date for some reasons...Super K do you get a bonus or something for having a certain amount of students enrolled for Winter quarter?!?!?) I can go straight into my degree program! WUHOWWW!!!! I was THRILLED.

Now the only obstacle was finding the monies to go. I immediately began praying that if attending this school at this time was what Heavenly Father wanted for me and mine, the obstacles would be removed and asked a few people I know to be vigilant prayer people to do the same. I am here to tell you God answers prayers because one by one the obstacles came tumbling down and I will be attending school, as Super K pushed for, in January! I still can hardly believe it!

The program I found has the same accreditation as one of the big state schools where I live, the cost of tuition includes books and software, I can test out of classes, (which I will TOTALLY be doing for College Algebra and a few others), my current tuition rate stays locked if I take 4 classes a quarter, and whether I take 16 credits a quarter or 24, I'll only pay for 16! It's almost too good to be true isn't it?!?!? I thought so too, but found another student in an online program at the school who says no, it's is indeed THIS good!

I'm THRILLED!!!! I cannot wait. Just ask Super K, he'll tell you how I've been a pain in his neck! So, here's the plan...test out of 7 credits, two quarters of 5 classes, two quarters of 6 classes and then throw a big ole party to celebrate the achievement of my Associate's Degree. That leaves just 88 more credits for my Bachelor's Degree...another 2 quarters of 5 classes and 2 of 6 and then an even bigger party as I celebrate having earned my Bachelor's Degree. The only regret I've ever lost sleep over finally resolved!

All this, because of the power of ONE word...regionally. I am so grateful to the inspired counsel from a loving Bishop, Super K for believing in me enough to push me for a much earlier entrance, and most importantly, for my Heavenly Father who cleared the obstacles out of the way to make this long time dream a reality!

160 miles = million dollar memories

Throughout this entire process, the one thing that has bothered me is all the family my children have essentially "lost" or effectively been distanced from due to Ex Knight's poor choices. The Mini's fear what will happen if Ex Knight ever learns where we are and his family is like the Mafia without the organized crime. If they tell one of his people where they are, it will spread quicker than wild fire and soon he will know our whereabouts. He claims that all the threats he made were done in anger and he'd never act out on them but he's said one thing and done another enough times that claim has no merit. Better to exercise caution in all things Ex Knight related I think. here a while back the kids had a 4 day weekend. I decided to make a road trip. I come from a HUGE mother's parents had 8 kids, my father's parents had 5. I have 11 aunts and can imagine the cousins I have. Not all of whom have met my children!!! On this extended weekend, I decided it was time to make a road trip. Some of my cousins now have their own families and it was great fun getting to introduce our children to each other.

I was moved to tears seeing the light and joy present in the eyes of my children as they played with their 2nd cousins and their parents and I. We laughed and laughed and laughed over those 4 days and the Mini's forged new relationships with family that have likely left an indelible impression on their hearts and minds and I am thankful for the opportunity to have made the journey.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Due Influence

We hear about what happens when people exercise undue influence over others all the time right? This influence is usually negative in nature. It's the sort of thing you see when someone uses undue pressure to gain a desired result. Bosses can do it when they pressure an employee to perform outside their job description, family can do it when they are trying to get an elderly parent to write a will that benefits them, and abusive men are the MASTER of this negative behavior. They have it down to an art form.

What about though, DUE influence conversely must be the opposite then right?!?!? This morning, as I start the "getting ready for church" process, I found myself reflecting on something I heard earlier this week. Let me explain a little.

Children of the LDS persuasion once 8, begin attending bi-weekly activities at Church. Scouts for boys, Activity or Achievement Days for girls. Last week at this event, I had a conversation with a valiant spirit. I was whining (yes even grown ups whine sometimes too) about how exhausting it is to now be the mom of the kids everyone wants to hang out with. I went on to explain how knock out drag out fights have been started over who these kids do and don't play with and how it's uncommon anymore these days for me not to have 1-5 extra kids or more on any given day in the week. Mr. Valiant said a lot of amazing stuff but namely he counseled me to never underestimate the DUE influence I can have in the lives of these children.

Today, I became aware of just how important such an influence is. I have GREAT kids. I'm biased a little I know, but I also know that I have been lucky to be blessed with such amazing spirits. Their school principal says any educator would be honored to have them in their building, cashiers at Wally World, our second home, comment on how well behaved they are, their friends' parents ask me how I do it, and the list goes on and on of the positive feedback I get regarding them.

So, these good kids have befriended a special set of children. Eleven year old fraternal twins, and their four year old little sister. These three kids spend more time at my house than they do theirs I think. Last night, the twins wanted spent the night so they could come to church with us. This means I've had extra kids overnight for more days in a row than I can remember. This morning though, we woke to find paramedics at the twins' apartment. Their mom isn't doing so well and is going to the hospital so please pray for her. Her children and fiance really need her!

Without a question, I volunteered to take the 4 year old to church with us today so that the fiance can just focus on taking care of Mom. As I sat in my office checking in on Facebook and email and ease dropping on the kids' conversations, I again became reminded of Mr. Valiant's statement about influence.

Though I haven't always had "due influence" on my children, I certainly do now. This influence is proving to have long reaching effects. They then, exercise due influence with their friends and now my place is the coolest place on the block. We have had the Elders over to meet these kids' parents and they've been taught a few discussions. For some reason though, it is often more difficult for adults to accept the truth than it is children and we can't get the parents to church. Today though, I am using my DUE INFLUENCE to take three more precious spirits to church and I am thankful to have the opportunity to do it.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Morbid beauty

Yesterday I accompanied a handful of other parents on what must be the strangest field trip EVER. Mini 2 and the the 5th graders in her school went to a cemetery. Yes, you read correctly. I did say we took a field trip to the cemetery. At first it was kind of creepy but I guess there are some notables buried there and that would have made it "fun", but the rain prevented us from checking out them out.

Here are some of the pictures I took:

The angel on this headstone is made with so much detail her skirt almost looks like it's real fabric.

I forget what the world is called but this is one of my favorite shrines.

The Gerrard's final resting place...have no idea who they are I just liked this building.

We all thought this looks lice ice and think it might glow at night.

"Bless the Master Mason's who give us heritage." ~ I took this photo because of my connection to the Fraternal Order of Masons.

Another of my favorite grave markers.

One of I think 15 lakes on the 400 acres that comprise the "developed" portion of the cemetery.

One of very few red granite headstones.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Who needs vengeance when you can have vindication?

FINALLY, I have been vindicated. At the behest of Mini 3, Ex Knight and I are now pretending (insert trying, attempting, agreeing, if you prefer) to be friends. The magic of technology allows me to block my number and call him (safety first) without revealing where my own unique spot on the map is and since Mini 3 asked if she could call her father well, he and I have had a few of "those" conversations. Today's had to be the best.

Ex Knight FINALLY accepted AND admitted that it wasn't our marriage that failed, it was HIM that failed. His admission went on to include confirmation of my deep seated notion that, assuming he could be 5 again when we all still got "do-overs", he'd do some things over. He went on to explain that he has now realized he needed to grow up and, though I'm not convinced at present, he swears he's spent the last couple years doing just that. Too bad it only took losing his marriage and family for him to figure it out.

I still feel sorry for him...I can't help it. It's so very unfortunate that his choices cost him the relationship he had or hoped to have with his kids (even if it turns out that's only temporary). I also feel sorry for my children. It's equally unfortunate that in order for them to enjoy the life they now lead, he had to be taken out of the equation. It must be dreadfully painful to know you may not ever talk to, let alone see, your children ever again. But then again, some lessons are harder to learn than others and sometimes mistakes only need to be made once. I hope, when it comes to Ex Knight, he has truly learned his lesson and that this will be one mistake he never has to make again. Perhaps in time, when enough of it has passed, the Minis will be able to build a safe and secure bridge to their father and give him permission to cross it.

I cannot even BEGIN to explain how great it made me feel to hear Ex Knight admit what I've known for YEARS. I mean just knowing it felt good too. Hearing him actually TELL ME (without provocation I might add) that he was to blame and he'd do it different if he could do it over and KNOWING that it no longer matters to me one way or the other if he would have done things different or not...well yeah that has just left me feeling vindicated...FINALLY.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

"I the Lord am bound

when ye do what I say" says Doctrine and Covenants 82:10. And, if you've ever had a temple recommend interview you know one of the things you are asked is "are you honest in your dealings?". I believe the Lord requires us to be honest and blesses us when we are.

Recently, my kids and I were involved in a car accident. It's been a painful two weeks as we've struggled to "feel better" and deal with the pain until we do. The other driver has the minimum insurance our state requires and well, you know how insurance companies can be right? Anyway so in telling the details of our accident to people, many have suggested I hire an attorney and laugh all the way to the bank. I, however, am not looking for a huge payout. I want what I had BEFORE the other driver made the mistake she did....a reliable vehicle, pain free living, and ok I'll be honest...a lil retail therapy might go a long way in helping me forget about the pain I've suffered, but my point is I'm not looking to "get rich" or take her insurance "to the cleaners".

I believe when you do the right thing, just because it's the right thing, the Lord will bless you. Apparently I must be pretty accurate in my thoughts because I've just received the most glorious blessing.

Poor Jazz...he's been totaled out and will be sold as salvage. I will miss him that's for sure. He gave my children and I some much needed freedom and independence and took a big hit so we didn't have to. Yes he leaked when it rained, yes he had more rust than an iron nail in water, yes he was tiny and long trips were rough on my knees but he was ours and we were sad to see him all crunched up.

On the 1st, her insurance called me with an offer for my car...$1100 plus tax and title...I paid $1200 for Jazz and asked he at least give me that...he agreed. The next call, then, was to Ward Car Guy.

I explained to Ward Car Guy that I should have a check for Jazz in the next week or two and could he please be on the look out for a new car for me. I fully expected to be out of a car for a while once taking the rental back. I mean, the chance of finding a decent car for the $1200 I was getting for Jazz just didn't seem possible really. I figured I'd have to spend some of the monies I'm sure to get in the settlement on a vehicle and was gearing up to be without wheels for a while. And then...the Lord kept his part of the deal....remember "I the Lord am bound when ye do what I say," like being honest and doing the right thing just because it's the RIGHT thing.

Ward Car Guy calls me back that night and informs me he's just bought a new truck and he has a 2000 Ford Taurus he's willing to sell me. He goes into an explanation about what is or isn't wrong with it (he could take a body and a box of parts and build a car) and then says something like how he could get a lot more for the car than what he's gonna ask I give him for it but he'll give it to me for 1200, I can have it Friday and if that doesn't work well then he'll go ahead and look for other options.

WILL THAT WORK??? Ummmmmmmmmmm let's a car for the EXACT same price as I'm getting for my totaled car. Buy it from a church member who I KNOW I can count on to be honest PLUS one who ALSO knows all things car and be confident I'm going to get a GOOD car, or take a chance I'd get another car that would allow me to take a shower and drive in the rain all at the same time? Oh wait, I forgot...he also said I could take possession of the car now and we'd work out the paperwork once I got my check from the insurance. What an incredible blessing this is for the Minis and I. Thanks so much Ward Car Guy, we appreciate you!





Friday, August 28, 2009

When judgement goes East

at an intersection, when someone else has the right of way, this is what you get:

On our way home from church this last Sunday another driver whipped a left in front of me turning East onto the side street and I slammed right into her. The light turned yellow after I had already crossed into the intersection and she was cited for failing to yield. Don't make a left on a yellow people, I mean really.

The kids were in the car, but none of us sustained any major injuries. The girls and I have whiplash, I have a gnarly looking bruise about 6 inches long on my boob from my seat belt, chest contusions, blunt force trauma to my chest, I can't hold my head up for too long without it hurting, breathing hurts, sitting up hurts, pretty much moving hurts, I've had a headache since the accident and I'm scared to drive, but at least I'm alive to blog this story.

Moral of the where you need to be is so important that having to wait 5 more minutes (at most) for another green light will kill you. Accidents like this however, could if you're not careful.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Finally a father's love.

Recently someone from the Cricut Message Board announced a RAK she was doing. In order to have a chance to win, you had to post about someone who inspires you. I chose to write about a man I met 18 months ago or so whom I now call Dad. I decided to include that story here.

After escaping my abusive marriage my children and I relocated. As you may or may not know, we are LDS (aka Mormon) and we always find a "ward family" to go to wherever we are. This time though, my current ward has redefined my definition of that phrase "ward family"....

Men get together in pairs called Home Teachers and are assigned to look after a few families....we LDS people really take care of our own and this helps the Bishop ensure everyone is doing ok. Well, my Home Teacher is a very busy man and not very reliable when it comes to OFFICIALLY being my Home Teacher (he is supposed to come with a monthly message and never does etc etc)...he is however a GEM of a man and I feel blessed to know him. Whenever I need to borrow a "Dad" for a father-daughter activity he's here, when we moved in and needed furniture put together he stayed till pretty late (after 10 probably) to put it all together, he's hung shelving, his family took us to church every week till we got our own car, etc etc....

So anyway....shortly after we arrived, he went out of town and asked his counselor (kind of like an assistant) to look after my family in his absence. It was then we met the man I now call my dad...

This man got VERY close to my family very quickly and soon my children came to me and asked "Do you think Brother ----- would mind if we called him Grandpa?" He didn't mind one bit and soon after I was calling him Dad.

Over the last 18 months or so, we've grown very very close. He is my "go to" guy for just about everything and I find myself inspired by his counsel and words ALLLLLL the time but no time more inspirational than this....

It was February...he was taking me and Mini 2 to therapy and I was sitting in the truck with him waiting my turn to visit our counselor. We were talking about some of the fear I was living with due to the circumstances surrounding my divorce and I was in tears. After a rather long preface to ensure he didn't hurt my feelings he said something I now hang on to daily "My dear, when you can learn to trust Heavenly Father as much as He trusts you, you will no longer need to live in fear." It was like a kidney punch directly into my life has never been the same since.

I am so grateful for this man....unfortunately circumstances such as they are he is unable to to do so, if he could though, he would TOTALLY adopt me. I have never known a father's love until I met this own father is a complete waste of space...neither he or my brother have any respect for him....I've never met him, despite having talked to him several times, and he didn't even recognize my brother 4 or 5 years ago when our grandfather died and he came to the funeral...only thing great my bio father has done is give my brother and I the gift of each mom is a bum magnet...her current fiance is a pedophile to help you get the idea, so none of the men in her life are or were role-model/father material....

And then, thanks to an unexpected move, I gained a father figure and FINALLY know what that "daddy-daughter" relationship is all about and I must say I am HOOKED. I am a Daddy's girl BIG TIME!

My Dad inspires me because he, too, sees more in me than I often see in myself and carefully and thoughtfully says and does things that allow my BEST self to shine! He ALWAYS makes me feel better when I'm bummed...often in just a statement or two and his love and support have been a key component of our surviving our situation. My girls want to marry men just like him, and my son wants to grow up to be the kind of man he is.

There is NO blood connection to us, but he is my dad and he will tell you himself if you ask him. His love for my family has changed our lives and his influence makes us better people and we are so lucky to have him.

Daddy who are you are makes a difference EACH and EVERY day of our lives and it is an honor and privilege to know you and have you in our lives. Thank you so much for all you do and all you are, your grandchildren and I love you more than you will EVER know!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

OMG! What a week!

I had the distinct displeasure of dealing with BOTH baby daddy's in a 72 hour window plus or minus a few hours...yes I know that deserves a medal. You're welcome to make me one and send it to me k!!! My new friend Jen also said that in and of itself, is enough to merit a vacation a/o taking the rest of the week off so if any of you would like to come take care of the kids so I can take off, by all means let me know.

Baby Daddy 1, aka Sweetheart, is still SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cute to me (even when he's grumpy) and I still have so much love for him but Forest says stupid is and stupid does and I realized this week that he's not good enough for me. All the love in the world can't compensate for not being worthy of me so buh bye...LOL! No, I wasn't mean to him at all...I can't hate I have a BEAUTIFUL baby girl to show for our relationship. Seeing him again (it has been 6 years since the last time I saw him) served as a reality check....he and I can only be together when the story begins happily once upon a time and ends happily ever after and I quit believing in fairy tales a long time ago.

Earlier this week, Mini 3 decided she wanted to speak to Ex Knight....I about peed myself. But, being the MAGNIFICENT mom that I am (I am magnificent right?!?!), I was able to indulge Mini 3...Mini 2 and 4 couldn't be left out though so they talked to Ex Knight too. By the time his phone finally cut off (we used all his prepaid minutes), it had been a TOTAL of FOUR PAINFUL hours we'd been on the phone. HOLY COW, the things we do for love. Monday taught me some things too though...

1. I'm WAY stronger than I think (yeah I already knew that).
2. Being the better person is ALWAYS the better choice.
3. My Father in Heaven loves me and is ALWAYS there.
4. You catch more flies with honey.
5. Safety ROCKS!

Let me elaborate on lesson 4. If you have read any of my blog entries (and if you haven't that's ok too cuz really this blog is one of VERY few things I do that is just for me so there HA....just teasing smile k?!?!?)...Now, back to lesson 4. Ex Knight is scary, dangerous, unpredictable, and reliably unreliable. Talking to him, let alone even supervising his communications with the Minis is NOT something I wanted to do EVER. I could have lived the rest of my life QUITE nicely if I would have NEVER EVER EVER EVER had to hear his voice or see him again. The problem though, is he's still baby daddy #2 and I still have babies that love him...Mini 3 in particular. SIDEBAR: No it's not a problem that she loves's a problem that because she loves him and I love her I am STUCK dealing with him.

I'm sure some of you may be wondering WHY ON EARTH (it's OK to wonder that, I did too), I let the Minis talk to him...there's one reason and one reason ONLY. He is their father, it's not about me, it's about them and if they can talk to him and stay safe in the process well then OK I not only that, I want them to make their own decision on Ex Knight,. I don't want them to base how they feel about him based on how Mommy feels about him. I played SOOOOOOOOOOOOO one point he said something like "wow that's great I'm glad to hear they're doing so well." I WANTED to say well when they're not being emotionally and physically abused on a daily basis anymore, how the heck you 'spect them to be BUT....I was nice. No really, I know it's not my forte where he's concerned BUT I was. I figure the nicer I am, the more "amicable" I am, the sweeter I am and the more I let the kids talk to him as they desire the safer we actually are. I know weird concept right...but I figure as long as he is talking to the kids whenever the kids want (cuz he claims he doesn't want to "force" them to be in his life) to talk to him (and I can influence how often that is with relative ease) and knows they're doing better now than they EVER have maybe just maybe he won't ever feel the need to try and locate us. See...there ARE methods to my madness I promise!

Safety ROCKS...lesson five. Our safety is of utmost importance and I'm so grateful to have children that understand while it's ok to love Ex Knight and we've been commanded to forgive Ex Knight, we still have to remember that we have ABSOLUTELY NO way of knowing has he changed and is he safe for us to be around or not...the only way to know for sure is to subject ourselves to him and if we do that and he HASN'T changed...THEN what do we do? And, while Mini 3 is DEFINITELY bummed being a daddy's girl and all, all of the Mini's understand. Seriously HOW did I get such great kids?!?!?!

Don't worry though, it's not all bad. After all the stress and drama of baby daddy's 1 and 2 I took Thursday off to recover and more or less did a lot of nothing. Then Friday I went to my second favorite scrapbooking store for their make and take/customer event thingie or whatever YOU want to call it LOL! I was lucky enough to be one of the first 50 (we had a GINORMOUS line to wait in and I didn't think it would be me) so I got a FREE paper pack...well actually I got 4 cuz of the 5 of us only ONE wanted their paper...SHEESH have I not taught them that ALL paper is good?!?!? Anyway...shortly after I arrived back at home my Daddy calls and spoke words that sounded like music to my ears when he said "would you like to get rid of some kids for awhile?" WOULD I....ummmm what time do you want really you can keep them for as LONG as you like lol! I got back in the car and took the Mini's to do some service with and for Grandpa and then came home to write this blog.

They get out of the car and run down his driveway screaming GRAN PAW GRAN PAW GRAN PAW and he throws his arms around them hugging them all and I drive away cheesing BIG time! I'm so blessed. How amazing it is to know people with so much love in their heart they can let my children and I in...not as friends, not as ward family but as FAMILY family! The whole way home (all of maybe 2 or 3 minutes) I just kept smiling thinking about how blessed my life is despite the struggle. I used to think happiness was over rated; I'm so pleased I was wrong. What a difference to be able to LIVE as opposed to simply existing!

Honestly, I don't think it could get much better than this....except maybe if I had my own scraproom the size of Texas and it was full of everything in the world I MIGHT want or need, and a GI-normous house I didn't have to pay for complete with a picket fence, dog (grimace), and mini van in the driveway, ocean front property somewhere warm and tropical with a jet constantly fueled and waiting to wisk me away whenever I want, and maybe......or maybe....

Hey, it doesn't hurt to dream does it? Actually, no, it doesn't and I'm dreaming again...amazing how much more vivid the dream looks when you start from a happy place to begin with isn't it?

Monday, July 27, 2009

Thimbletack give us our stuff back

I think Thimbletack has left the Spiderwick mansion and taken residence up with my family. On any day of the week, we can set something down only for it to disappear and reappear somewhere else as if by magic. It happens with ALL sorts of things too...keys, shoes, my purse, scrapbooking tools, the phone, Pinky our digital camera, and the list goes on and on...

Keys especially...those are the worst. Maybe Thimbletack likes the way they jingle or how they shine. I'm not sure what it is to be honest, I just know that every time I set my keys down, they reappear somewhere else later and the Minis swear they didn't touch them. So, since the Minis didn't move them, and I didn't move them, it HAS to be Thimbletack.

Thimbletack oh Thimbletack PLEASE give us our stuff back! And while you're at it...please quit taking it too!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

What goes around comes around...or does it?

My baby brother, who might object to being called a baby now given he's married with 4 kids of his own, has gone back to school. He's decided he wants to be a history teacher and I'm so proud of him. That however, is a tale for another day...his recent writing topic has had me thinking for some time now.

He had to write a persuasive paper on a topic of his choice arguing both sides of the equation His topic...karma? What is it and why or why it does or doesn't exist...I know brilliant subject right? I told you I was proud of him...this is one of many reasons why. You wouldn't know it by his lifestyle but he's quite a thinker...he and I have some of the most engaging conversations and this was one of them.

He came to me for writing advice given I'd been an English major and all (not that you can tell that from the NUMEROUS errors in this blog...thankfully I'm not submitting it for a grade) and I've found my thoughts drifting to his subject several times since.

Karma is essentially the concept of what goes around comes around but honestly does it? Can we influence our future by our choices today? To some degree yes. But the concept that there is this inevitable sort of cosmic ether in which our choices are repaid to us in the future is not something I believe. While I do believe that we can determine our course by our choices, I don't believe in karma. Life has shown me that what goes around doesn't always come around, but then I'm not always sure it should either.

Take Ex Knight for example, the karma theory implies that since he treated us so poorly, someone's gonna do the same thing to him but I doubt that will honestly happen. I really hope it doesn't happen; I wouldn't wish what we endured at the hands of Ex Knight on even he himself., let alone anyone else. Karma also doesn't explain how good things happen to bad people or how bad things happen to good people. At least not in my opinion.

I think that we all have our own free will. This is what members of my faith often refer to as agency and is something God has placed in all of us. I think we are all in control of our OWN agency whether we use it well or not and how "destiny" is determined then, is by how we act and react to the use of agency, ours and that of others.

A Sunday School teacher I had years ago said a few things that have stuck with me through the years. She says that everyone is good for something...even if it's just a bad example (Ex Knight is the PERFECT bad example), and we can determine our consequence by the choices we make. Choices have consequences, that's what I've taught my children...I just don't believe they have karmalistic (yes you can use my word) type consequences. And, we don't get to choose the consequences of our behavior EXCEPT by altering our choice.

I can see you scratching your head and hear you thinking "what does she mean by that"...I did the same thing when I heard it the first time so it's ok. Here's an of the consequences for not doing chores in my house is the inablity to play outside. The consequence of doing chores is then the converse of this. My children do not pick the consequences of chores...I do. They can however, determine whether or not they will do them and receive good or bad consequences.

For me, the idea of karma just does not make sense because not everyone gets what they least not in this life. Lord knows my children have never done anything to deserve what Ex-Knight did. Sometimes, people never get what they deserve in life...I do believe though we'll all get our "just reward" eventually. If then, what goes around comes around EVENTUALLY and we will all get what we deserve in the end (ie judgment) then maybe karma does exist...some will call it karma; however, I know this as the love of a perfectly just Heavenly Father.

Monday, June 29, 2009

It's all because of Facebook

I love a lot of things about Facebook but especially how it puts people back into your lives you never thought you'd run into again! You know the people...the ones when you think about about life you have nothing but fond memories of them and wonder where they are and what they're doing. The same sort of people who you hope and pray you run into at your high school reunion and when you DO, you hang out with them ALL weekend, night, or whatever. Believe it or not, I've got a lot of people like this and it never fails, when I find myself thinking about them most, there's a friends request from them.

This is how it was for one of my oldest and dearest friends whom we'll call My Beautiful Blonde Boy (or B Cubed for short)...yes I said beautiful, blonde, and boy...and he is. B Cubed is as beautiful on the inside as he is on the outside. He's the kind of person that brings happiness to the lives of all those he touches simply by being him. He doesn't have to try, he doesn't have to work at it even...he is just simply BEAUTIFUL and is not just loved by all those who know him, he genuinely loves all of them too...well except maybe his Bosshole (sorry it's an inside joke and I'm not going to take the time to explain) and dentist.

I've known B Cubed for more years than he will let me admit to on a public forum and I've found myself wondering where he was and what he was doing over the years more than once. I can't celebrate my birthday without thinking of him and most of my fondest high school memories (ha ha ha now you get an idea of how long we've known each other) involve him. Thanks to Facebok, he was a lot easier to find than Waldo and every day I am thankful to have him back in my life.

B Cubed has been bringing a smile to my face for many many years. Now I get to be entertained by him on a daily basis...all I have to do is log into Facebook (which I already do anyway cuz I'm hopelessly's ok he is too so we meet there often) and he's there. I know that I can count on his status message for something so completely candid and point blank it is hilarious to the point of LITERALLY loling, complete with tears in my eyes and everything. And, when I need someone to attempt to explain to me WHY men do the things they do, he always does his best, yet freely admits that sometimes it's just because men suck...period. I'm so glad he gets that; you have NO idea. What's better is he's not offended at all when I tell him men are stupid...he's a man he already knows they certainly can be (and to be fair, so can women) but since he's not one of the stupid ones, it's all good.

When B Cubed isn't entertaining me with his cleverly worded status messages complete with typos and all, he's cracking me up with B Cubedisms....things like bosshole and random run by've heard of drive by shootings, but please if you would picture a random run by smacking....can you imagine the 911 call? Ha ha ha he keeps me laughing and it's one of many things I love about him.

I just love how Facebook brings people together and I'm so glad it brought My Beautiful Blonde Boy back into my life. It's wonderful beyond words to know that I can count on him to keep me entertained, to listen when I need an ear (well wait actually it's more like read when I need to type) to offer a prospective only HE can give, to remind me to treat myself better, and to inspire me to continually reach for the best. All these things make him the kinda guy EVERY girl should have around...he even cooks and cleans and is potty trained.

B Cubed my dear sweet friend, I love your guts man! Thanks for finding me..or wait did I find you? Awww who cares let's not split hairs...thanks for finding or being found and for all the love and joy you bring into my life. YOU ARE THE BEST my friend!