Saturday, August 8, 2009

OMG! What a week!

I had the distinct displeasure of dealing with BOTH baby daddy's in a 72 hour window plus or minus a few hours...yes I know that deserves a medal. You're welcome to make me one and send it to me k!!! My new friend Jen also said that in and of itself, is enough to merit a vacation a/o taking the rest of the week off so if any of you would like to come take care of the kids so I can take off, by all means let me know.

Baby Daddy 1, aka Sweetheart, is still SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cute to me (even when he's grumpy) and I still have so much love for him but Forest says stupid is and stupid does and I realized this week that he's not good enough for me. All the love in the world can't compensate for not being worthy of me so buh bye...LOL! No, I wasn't mean to him at all...I can't hate I have a BEAUTIFUL baby girl to show for our relationship. Seeing him again (it has been 6 years since the last time I saw him) served as a reality check....he and I can only be together when the story begins happily once upon a time and ends happily ever after and I quit believing in fairy tales a long time ago.

Earlier this week, Mini 3 decided she wanted to speak to Ex Knight....I about peed myself. But, being the MAGNIFICENT mom that I am (I am magnificent right?!?!), I was able to indulge Mini 3...Mini 2 and 4 couldn't be left out though so they talked to Ex Knight too. By the time his phone finally cut off (we used all his prepaid minutes), it had been a TOTAL of FOUR PAINFUL hours we'd been on the phone. HOLY COW, the things we do for love. Monday taught me some things too though...

1. I'm WAY stronger than I think (yeah I already knew that).
2. Being the better person is ALWAYS the better choice.
3. My Father in Heaven loves me and is ALWAYS there.
4. You catch more flies with honey.
5. Safety ROCKS!

Let me elaborate on lesson 4. If you have read any of my blog entries (and if you haven't that's ok too cuz really this blog is one of VERY few things I do that is just for me so there HA....just teasing smile k?!?!?)...Now, back to lesson 4. Ex Knight is scary, dangerous, unpredictable, and reliably unreliable. Talking to him, let alone even supervising his communications with the Minis is NOT something I wanted to do EVER. I could have lived the rest of my life QUITE nicely if I would have NEVER EVER EVER EVER had to hear his voice or see him again. The problem though, is he's still baby daddy #2 and I still have babies that love him...Mini 3 in particular. SIDEBAR: No it's not a problem that she loves's a problem that because she loves him and I love her I am STUCK dealing with him.

I'm sure some of you may be wondering WHY ON EARTH (it's OK to wonder that, I did too), I let the Minis talk to him...there's one reason and one reason ONLY. He is their father, it's not about me, it's about them and if they can talk to him and stay safe in the process well then OK I not only that, I want them to make their own decision on Ex Knight,. I don't want them to base how they feel about him based on how Mommy feels about him. I played SOOOOOOOOOOOOO one point he said something like "wow that's great I'm glad to hear they're doing so well." I WANTED to say well when they're not being emotionally and physically abused on a daily basis anymore, how the heck you 'spect them to be BUT....I was nice. No really, I know it's not my forte where he's concerned BUT I was. I figure the nicer I am, the more "amicable" I am, the sweeter I am and the more I let the kids talk to him as they desire the safer we actually are. I know weird concept right...but I figure as long as he is talking to the kids whenever the kids want (cuz he claims he doesn't want to "force" them to be in his life) to talk to him (and I can influence how often that is with relative ease) and knows they're doing better now than they EVER have maybe just maybe he won't ever feel the need to try and locate us. See...there ARE methods to my madness I promise!

Safety ROCKS...lesson five. Our safety is of utmost importance and I'm so grateful to have children that understand while it's ok to love Ex Knight and we've been commanded to forgive Ex Knight, we still have to remember that we have ABSOLUTELY NO way of knowing has he changed and is he safe for us to be around or not...the only way to know for sure is to subject ourselves to him and if we do that and he HASN'T changed...THEN what do we do? And, while Mini 3 is DEFINITELY bummed being a daddy's girl and all, all of the Mini's understand. Seriously HOW did I get such great kids?!?!?!

Don't worry though, it's not all bad. After all the stress and drama of baby daddy's 1 and 2 I took Thursday off to recover and more or less did a lot of nothing. Then Friday I went to my second favorite scrapbooking store for their make and take/customer event thingie or whatever YOU want to call it LOL! I was lucky enough to be one of the first 50 (we had a GINORMOUS line to wait in and I didn't think it would be me) so I got a FREE paper pack...well actually I got 4 cuz of the 5 of us only ONE wanted their paper...SHEESH have I not taught them that ALL paper is good?!?!? Anyway...shortly after I arrived back at home my Daddy calls and spoke words that sounded like music to my ears when he said "would you like to get rid of some kids for awhile?" WOULD I....ummmm what time do you want really you can keep them for as LONG as you like lol! I got back in the car and took the Mini's to do some service with and for Grandpa and then came home to write this blog.

They get out of the car and run down his driveway screaming GRAN PAW GRAN PAW GRAN PAW and he throws his arms around them hugging them all and I drive away cheesing BIG time! I'm so blessed. How amazing it is to know people with so much love in their heart they can let my children and I in...not as friends, not as ward family but as FAMILY family! The whole way home (all of maybe 2 or 3 minutes) I just kept smiling thinking about how blessed my life is despite the struggle. I used to think happiness was over rated; I'm so pleased I was wrong. What a difference to be able to LIVE as opposed to simply existing!

Honestly, I don't think it could get much better than this....except maybe if I had my own scraproom the size of Texas and it was full of everything in the world I MIGHT want or need, and a GI-normous house I didn't have to pay for complete with a picket fence, dog (grimace), and mini van in the driveway, ocean front property somewhere warm and tropical with a jet constantly fueled and waiting to wisk me away whenever I want, and maybe......or maybe....

Hey, it doesn't hurt to dream does it? Actually, no, it doesn't and I'm dreaming again...amazing how much more vivid the dream looks when you start from a happy place to begin with isn't it?

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