Saturday, November 22, 2008

If each happy ending's a brand new beginning then

what is a bittersweet ending?

Friday I had the final court date with X Knight and though it went my way and decisions were made that help ensure safety for the Masked Marauder family, it was kind of bittersweet.

X Knight was given an opportunity to speak and I could tell from his tone of voice and sniffles he had been or was crying. Elder Scott, in the April 2008 General Conference, said how when we forgive it allows us to feel sorrow even and yeah that's totally where I was.

Hearing Mr. Lawyer tell a few pieces of our story was difficult to listen to. It's one thing when I tell it, or when the Masked Marauder Minis tell it but to hear a neutral party tell it honestly SOUNDS worse than it plays out in my memory if that makes sense at all.

So here I sit feeling sorrow for X Knight on one hand and complete relief on the other. So sorry X Knight that you miss the Minis and that you had to hear Mr. Lawyer tell some of the awful things you've done to them and how they feel about it. Must be pretty hard to know in your gut that YOUR freedom has come to you at such a high cost and I'm sorry you lost them but then on the other hand it's like well but you should have TOTALLY thought about the feelings you are NOW having when you were abusive.

It's a strange series of emotions it really is. Added to these emotions were the fear and anxiety I had over something being said that would compromise the safety of my Minis. Mr. Lawyer though is a pro and he was detailed and vague all at the same time. Nothing was said or done to compromise the Masked Marauder Clan and that is a GREAT thing!

When it was all said and done, Your Honor ordered the no contact order continued and required us to let her know where our spots on the map are at all times. Yes my spot is classified! Long as X Knight has integrity (and no I'm not holding my breath cuz he's never had any before) and is truly willing to stay out of the Minis' life unless and until they want him in them ,well I will likely never have to hear his voice again. This is a VERY good thing cuz just the sound of his voice is enough to make me cry, make my stomach hurt, and make me tremble in fear.

I'm relieved it's over over now finally but feel a good degree of sorrow that his choices required me to use my agency to make decisions I probably wouldn't have made otherwise. Did I make the right choice...of course, I know that and everyone else does too. Sometimes though, good choices feel hard and this has been the hardest one yet.

So the song says "each happy ending's a brand new beginning" anyone got any ideas on what a bittersweet ending is?


Lynn said...

I think any ending can eventually be a happy beginning. Life is what you make of it. While hard to do, we must forgive, and then move on. Forgiveness is a process....I have people in my life that everyday I have to wake up and conscientiously make that decision to forgive. I am working on it....Heavenly Father knows this. Lean on him, he will help you. On day you will look back on this day and see it as the day you began to blossom. Your clan is in my thoughts and prayers everyday!

Masked Marauder said...

Thanks for the prayers Lynn, we appreciate them and you are TOTALLY right life is what we make it. It never occurred to me that I might have to forgive certain peeps daily...thanks for the insight on that.