Thursday, May 21, 2009

Bring me your poor

I've frequently found myself lamenting over all the things I want to give my children and can't. Ex Knight pays child support when he feels like it, and as much or as little as he feels like paying (yes in COMPLETE defiance of court orders) and my home based business provides an income that is...that is...what's a good word...meager I suppose, at best. Often I've laid awake crying and praying over what to do and how to make ends come close let alone meet, and sometimes my Minis have seen my tears and felt the side effects of my frustration.

At first getting a job outside my home could potentially risk our safety so I couldn't even consider it. Then, given I had no wheels and no childcare getting a job outside my home, became somewhat more of a challenge. The hours I can work are limited, as is my experience because raising a family doesn't translate into any verifiable skill even though as mom's we do so much. My family, however, continues to struggle in the mean time.

One day, during an exceptionally difficult time, my children tapped into their divinity and seemed to pull wisdom straight out of heaven as they assured me they didn't need more stuff they needed me. That it was ok because they had everything they needed and with a little saving and careful planning they could get most of what they wanted too and what they wanted and needed most was to know I loved them, to know I cared, and to be here for them no matter what. In other words, they wanted my love and my time...both of which I can freely give.

Over and over each child took their turn telling me that the little sacrifices they make are trivial in comparison to having me home. They basically said they'd rather be poor and homeless with me present and accounted for than to have me work outside my home and barely ever see me...

You know what I'm gonna say here don't you...out of the mouths of babes right?!?! And so, since you can't take it with you anyway, I've decided that for the present time, my kids need ME more than they need what I can give them and I've abandoned the thought of getting an additional job outside my home; it's been one of the best decisions I've made.

My children are learning about saving for things, they're learning about staying out of debt, they're learning to make careful choices about the things they want, they're learning that people have way more value than possessions, they're learning to take better care of the things they do have, they're learning a lot about service and are eager to serve as a result. They're learning that the best memories are moments we've spent together versus time spent doing the same THING together and they're learning that their Mom values them above any worldly possession. They are building their testimonies of Heavenly Father's love and ability to make up for our lack when we give Him our best. They are learning the value of sacrificing for what really counts and I feel so blessed to be their mom.

By the world's standard, we aren't just poor, we're living in poverty. In fact, well below the "poverty line" actually, but that's if you judge worth by worldly possessions or standards...when you gauge it on eternal principles and standards, I'm sure my Minis would tell you we're millionaires.

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